Reject Humanity, Return to Monke

After a brief nap inside my tent, I made my way to my first job as decided by Oshurkova a day earlier, and that was guarding her tent, along with Typhial, who was still giving me the stink-eye for being such an, in her own words, uncouth, barbaric imbecile who lays with a stinky street cat.

"Is it because of the sex?" I had the mind to ask that question, with my entire curiosity centered on it. Looking at me like I was some kind of lower-class dweller in a cave, she nodded fervently and opened her mouth.

"Yes, it was because of the sex. Plus, you made too much noise the whole night!" She yelled out loud, not being able to control her voice as her pitch went an octave higher. If there was a glass nearby, I'm sure it would've shattered. Harpies have naturally high-pitched voices, after all.

"Who the fuck shrieked?" The flap to Oshurkova's tent flew open and out came an enraged vampire wearing incredibly thick robes that had a few shards of glass sticking out from it and penetrating the cloth, but not that deep to reach the skin.

'Well… I spoke too soon…' I looked at Typhial, who had gone incredibly pale as she watched Oshurkova with a horrified expression. Seeing that this was entirely her fault, but her shock was still hampering her decision-making, I decided to make the decision for her.

"Typhial did." I quipped from my spot, gripping my Monke Staff in hand like a spear. Oshurkova glanced at me for a moment, before she narrowed her eyes at Typhial, who continued to grow even paler. Her wings now slumped to the ground as she refused to move due to the guilt, fear, and disappointment she felt at her sudden outburst that nearly caused her queen harm.

"Oh, she did, did she?" Oshurkova smirked menacingly, Typhial now taking a step back in fear, her body trembling as her wings wrapped around her body for comfort. "Well, a suitable punishment is in order, and since a unique harpy like her is extremely sensitive with her wings, I know just the punishment we could do."

Typhial paled even further, the color now completely gone from her face as she looked like a ghost. Oshurkova's words, however, made me pause as I stared at her.

"What do you mean by we?" Oshurkova simply laughed and grabbed the frozen harpy and pulled her into the tent, leaving the entrance wide open.

"Follow me. She's been rude to you, hasn't she?" She chuckled menacingly, the harpy quivering and jumping in fear and terror. "Just after you had lost your virginity, no less. The day should be celebrated, instead, you were mocked and belittled by this girl."

I froze in my spot as she casually mentioned the part about my virginity.

"Okaayyy… Not that it's that important, but how did you know I was a virgin before Catalina?" Yes, the question about being a virgin or not is stupid, even back on Earth (except if it has value for other people… Damned arranged marriages, politics, and business families), but for a person who was a stranger just a few days ago learn about your apparent virginity was… a little unnerving and plain awkward. Not anything too embarrassing or life-threatening, however.

"I have good eyes." She replied vaguely as she led the resigned harpy to her fate. I stayed in place for a moment, before shrugging and following the vampire.

'Well, if she has a secret she wants to keep, then it's not my place to pry.'

Once inside the tent, Oshurkova instructed me to close the flaps and I humbly obliged.

"Now, how about we start?"

What happened next would be amusing, yet somewhat horrifying, as well as traumatizing.

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After the brief torture (tickling) session, I was then sent to guard the outer parts of the camp with Shrum, the perverted old mushroom with the discipline of a Royal Guard. How those two combined together, I would never know, but hey, back on Earth, U.S. Marines were anime otakus, as well as the JSDF, where I'm sure they painted an anime girl on a fighter jet, forgive my lack of vocabulary regarding military terms.

"So, how was it?" The old mushroom squinted his eyes at me, his thin lips pursed even tighter, making them almost non-existent.

"How was what?" I asked, my mind already beginning to tire from the start of this line of questioning.

"Why, the banging, of course. You and that catwoman were loud." The mushroom nodded his head like there was some kind of hidden message in there somewhere. "Youngsters these days… Aahhh… How I wish to be young again…"

"…" I remained silent, not wanting to answer that specific type of question and hoped that it would be swept away under the mutterings of the old mushroom about youth this, youth that, how he wished he was young, and some other stuff.

"So? How was it?" Sadly, this old mushroom may be suffering from some type of muttering spree, but he sure as hell ain't suffering dementia.

"Let's just say it was heavenly." I stopped it at that and Shrum nodded wisely.

"Indeed, why, let me tell you about a time where I had my first time." Shrum was about to start his tirade about his early sex life, and I wanted none of that, so I quickly tried to deny him.

Tried being the keyword.

"Wait, please don't."

"Nonsense. This story will blow your mind, young'un." I had to resist the urge to scream as I had to listen to every detail this damned mushroom was giving me about his sex life over the course of an hour. I couldn't even tune it out, since every time I did, he would notice and bring my attention back.

'What the hell is up with this day!?'

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About two hours into this damned mushroom's storytelling about his private affairs and the women he's banged, I spotted movement from beyond the tree lines.

Quickly grasping at this olive branch to escape this mental hell, I grabbed my Monke Staff tighter and raised my voice.

"Hey! Whoever is out there, show yourselves!" Shrum noticed the movement as well, and finally stopped with his mental torture, his air quickly turning from a perverted old man to that of a Royal Guard's.

We waited for a few seconds in silence, before the bush rustled and out came a figure I thought I would see not that far in the future.

"Well, this is a surprise. I thought I would've gotten first dibs at this spot.." Lupu, the werewolf leader of the Lewko group, said with an amused grin as she stared at me, her furry ears twitching and fluffy tail swishing in the air.