My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

In the end, it was because they heard Teacher Yao's high heels clacking in their direction that Ruo Tingran and her group scattered like flies. Li Qing's body trembled as it hurt all over. She didn't know where she got the strength to get up and run before Yao Xiurong caught sight of her. She didn't even know how she got home. The rest of the day passed by like a blur.

Ever since that day, they stopped bullying her. Presumably because Ruo Tingran was spooked due to being seen by Zhang Jiancheng. Well, Li Qing couldn't care less.

It was during the darkest days of her life that she got to know someone named Nan Xukun, the only son of Nan Cheng, CEO of Henan Corporation. She heard many, many things about him such as how he was proclaimed missing until the age of nine and by the time his father found him, he was so emaciated that he looked malnourished. Rumors floated around the circle, speculating what kind of hell Nan Xukun had gone through during those nine years.

Some said that he was kidnapped by child traffickers, some said that he was missing one day due to some unspeakable reasons, some even said that it was Nan Cheng himself who threw his son away until the end, it was unknown why he changed his mind and decided to take his son back. Of course, the last one could only be said in secret, or else the consequences would be dire.

The most important thing was, from start to end, there wasn't a woman by Nan Cheng's side. Thus, the talk about Young Master Nan's mother and CEO Nan's legitimate wife remained a profound mystery worth speculating about. Alas, Nan Cheng seemed to have no intention to clarify the rumors, he only poured all of his intention on properly raising his son.

Simply speaking, after hearing about Nan Xukun, Li Qing felt like she had found her soulmate.

Both of them had suffered before. The difference was Nan Xukun suffered when he was a child before transforming into a phoenix in the end. Meanwhile, Li Qing enjoyed wealth and glory first before being disgraced and humiliated by others.

Yet how could the difference between them be so huge?

Look at Nan Xukun. He grew up to be everyone's favorite. Carefree, wild and unrestrained. Free and confident. Charming and deadly. For Li Qing who lived in the shadow, Nan Xukun was akin to the light which she yearned to grasp.

Li Qing didn't know when she started to pay attention to Nan Xukun's every move but when she realized it, the secret feelings gradually transformed into a deep obsession.

She longed to be like him, she also longed to be with him.

Li Qing was sure that as long as she could have Nan Xukun by her side, then she wouldn't have to be scared of anything again. She could regain herself; the former shining, confident and proud Li Qing.

Because of Nan Xukun, Li Qing could endure living in this hellish world.

Time passed and she became a third year student. Because of her indifferent and fearless reaction, Ruo Tingran's group finally got bored of bullying her and she could focus on studying. She also made two new friends; Chen Jiawei and Mo Ling. Although Li Qing didn't really like hanging out with them, she could only make do with it to suppress her loneliness.

Until one day, a new student transferred in during the midterm.

She was a thin, petite girl with huge golden eyes named Shi Nian. Unfortunately, the girl was mute and poor. 

Just in a few days, there were already numerous rumors surrounding her, one was worse than the other.

Li Qing saw how Shi Nian was antagonized and cursed so badly in the forum and strange feelings grew inside her. This was the long lost feeling of superiority. 

Li Qing had been in the lowest rug for so long, and in the end, someone came who was lower than her.

She saw how reclusive and lonely Shi Nian was and felt deep sympathy and pity toward her. Yet, there was also a sense of satisfaction and glee to see someone who suffered more.

If she offered her a little bit of kindness, if she reached out her hand in times of need, Shi Nian would be so indebted to her that she would idolize her, right? Li Qing saw that she had always eaten cheap stuff in the cafeteria and offered to lend her some money only to be rejected. Fine, she understood that Shi Nian had to preserve the last bits of dignity.

Li Qing continued to be kind. When she saw how confused Shi Nian was to search for a partner in the PE class, she graciously offered to form a group with her.

Look! Look at how kind and sincere she was! Li Qing could finally regain some of the confidence and dignity by stepping on others.

Alas, before she had the time to be smug, someone suddenly interjected. "Shi Nian, do you have a partner for the group? If not, do you want to consider me?" It was Tian Wei, one of the most popular boys in third year due to his cheerfulness and refreshing manner.

In an instant, it was as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over Li Qing's head. The reality she refused to admit was being spread open for her to see.

Shi Nian was different from her. She had always been. She was never ashamed to admit her limited pocket money, she never shied away whenever she couldn't answer a question in the class, she also accepted everyone and treated them with a sincere heart. 

From the beginning, there had never been a comparison between them.

All the more reason for Li Qing to feel so…filthy and ugly.

Since when did she become someone who needed to step on others in order to ascend?

Li Qing was mortified and before her brain could think, she turned to escape. "Well, good for you, huh?" She ignored Shi Nian's worried and confused eyes. Li Qing knew that Shi Nian was genuinely worried about her, but at that moment, she just wanted to hide from her sincere eyes which shone so bright that they could illuminate all the dirty thoughts in her mind.

Yet she wasn't given time to hide when the conversation in their group chat was exposed the next day, causing Shi Nian to be in the middle of the storm. 

Li Qing had no idea of it, she even considered skipping class just so that she didn't need to face Shi Nian. However, when she was reminded of how close the date was to the university entrance exam and she wasn't so smart to begin with, she decided against it.

The exam was her one and only ticket to get away. As long as she could test into a university far, far away from here, then everything would be better. She would be able to leave the bad memories behind and start anew.

That's why, when Mo Ling interrogated her about it, Li Qing's blood ran cold. She instantly knew that she was finished. Her mind whirled dizzily and it was as if all the oxygen around her was sucked away. It must be Ruo Tingran, no doubt about it!

"I didn't do it!" She cried out. Yet nobody listened, nobody trusted her.

Why?! It was just Shi Nian! She hadn't even been here for half a year, but how could she make everyone side with her? How could nobody trust Li Qing?!

Li Qing felt bubbling hatred and the familiar helplessness deep in her soul until Shi Nian came. 

[I trust you.] She wrote in front of the whole class and to Teacher Yao, clearly defining her stance to side with Li Qing. When the whole world was against her, only Shi Nian stood by her.

Yet, Li Qing didn't feel happy about it.

She only felt disgust and…repulsion. This scenario was so familiar. Giving her a little bit of kindness and being the one to reach out a hand when the other was in need, wasn't it what Li Qing was supposed to do? Why did it become Shi Nian instead?!

Hateful! How hateful!

And the most abominable thing was how Li Qing had to thank her like a beggar for what she did, had to act submissive and pitiful just to garner sympathy. Pathetic! Coward! Wimpy! Li Qing had never hated how powerless she was until now.

Why? Li Qing didn't even wish for anything grand, she just wanted to be brave, courageous, confident, but why couldn't she achieve that?

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A/N: tell me why, ain't nothing but a heartbreak~

no hehe just kidding now you know why Li Qing is kind in one second, but turn temperamental in the next second. She just wants someone to need her :(

but somehow, I can understand Li Qing. I will be happy if someone have test score lower than mine even tho mine is already below average QAQ it's just a psychological comfort to feel better when we see the suffering of others

fyi, Zhang Jiancheng went to get Teacher Yao, sadly Li Qing would never know it because she has been too prejudiced :( why didn't he help her directly? First, he knew how cunning Ruo Tingran and her group were, if he helped Li Qing this time, it might backfired and she might be bullied even more. The best method is always call on the teacher....imo