This Eroge Won't Make Me Fall!

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…"

A heavy sensation pushed down my head.

"Fucking get off, Albert."

"Ouch, ouch, ouch… my back… I've aged…"

"I'll fold it in half, get off."

Dust and dirt merged into one as what seemed like a floor made of giant sandstones spread far and wide. I pushed my hands against the ground and stood up, knocking away the brat on my back.

"Eugy… you ok?" Titania asked, floating in front of me. Her hands were crossed while her chin was pulled up. A haughty tone she had never taken before.

The plan was beginning.

"Um, are you guys ok?"

A voice peered right into my ears. The voice made Albert flinch and he got up on his feet too.

The two of us turned to our back at the same time.

I was having a hard time holding in my grin.

This was it.

"I'm alright. Rizzler?"

"I'm good too, just my back."

"Ah, is your back ok?! Did you hurt yourself? Do you need a potion? A potion." The third guy frantically started looking around while chanting potion over and over again. A chiseled body and a strong source of Ki, starkly announcing the level of his strength that must have been cultivated with fine technique.

This guy seemed even stronger than Albert.

And lastly, flying above his red hair, was a single, trembling fairy with long white hair in a similar white dress. I looked at the two fairies in our group with a side eye and saw them cracking their knuckles.

"I am alright, you don't have to worry."

"Ah… I see, hahaha!"

This was.

"Oh, well. Um."

Possibly my greatest enemy.

No, quite possibly the enemy of every strong being in this world.

The one destines toward strength.

"I'm Luka…"

The main character of this world.

The protagonist of the damned Eroge.

"Luka Rune—"

"Cool, wanna tag along?" Albert asked.

"Huh? We can?" I barged in.

"Yeah, you need a party of three, didn't you hear the rules?"

"I thought it'll last three days and tuned it out."

Albert flinched slightly before placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a sympathetic nod. He knew what I was talking about.

"What speech lasts three days?"

"You won't get it."

"You really won't. Give up kid."

Well, the plan was to make sure he understands we're different people, if need be, we were willing to even give him some pointers. As long as he didn't want to kill us, he was free to go up to his eroge hijinks and do whatever he wanted.

"Um, alright?" The guy scratched his cheeks.

A thought entered my mind as I looked around the place. Blocks of ochre stones filled the empty black space as far as the eye stretched. The blocks floated about in the air and others flitted through a path, creating a giant, moving maze of blocks.

As I focused, I could see other prospects getting up on their feet. Some fell from the blocks and straight down the sky before being taken away by their fairies. Getting knocked out before the game started, that was rough.

"So, if it's not much of a bother to you two, I'd love to team up as well!"

I looked back.

Yes…

How strange…

Is this, perhaps, a normal person?

How rare was that?

"Yeah, pretty cool. We woulda dragged you anyway, we need three people," Albert said. "I'm Albert Pinot. JUST Albert Pinot."

"But that guy just called you rizz—"

"You're courting death."

"Now, now, young master," I intervened in the conversation, my gaze still looking around for what exactly the challenge was. "I am Eugene Hall."

I stretched a hand out, but the man didn't meet it.

As expected. This was all the proof I needed.

I looked up and saw his shoulder quaking just a slight amount. Almost as if tickling a sixth sense, an incomprehensible darkness exuded from his body before disappearing like a dream. I pumped my hand, and he met with hesitation.

"N-nice to meet you…" the vigor in his voice was gone.

"Well, yeah. And who's the little one."

The man's grip tightened.

"Y-you can see…"

"Of course, and you can see these two too, right?" I said, pointing at the fairies behind me. They offered a bright smile to Luka the fairy next to him continued trembling. It was definitely going to be a trio of chuunibyous, huh?

"T-that…"

"Why are stuttering? Cat got your tongue?"

"It's not like—"

"Not like this not like that, quit your yapping. You're not fooling anyone with that kind act of yours."

"Act? No, I am not trying to act or—"

"Do you lack the strength to even be yourself?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"If so, just jump down from the blocks and kill yourself."

"You have no right to."

"Weak assholes who can suck up to others are better off dead. You'll just be a pain in the ass for the entire world—"

"SHUT UP!"

A terrifying scream spread through the place. Dozens of eyes turned our way from over the blocks as the voice boomed through the entire tower.

Malice.

Unending malice was dripping from every corner of this person's being.

As if the kind, normal man from before was but an illusion of the mind. The vague figure in front of me seemed to be the very incarnate of all things wrong. Pain, bloodlust, all of it was filled to the brim in this person's existence as he looked at me.

Even though I couldn't see.

I could tell.

This guy's soul was pitch black.

"Don't talk like you know anything, you little fuck. I should kill you right fucking here but I am not doing so, don't fucking test me."

"Hah…" I chuckled.

The darkness held in his voice made even my hair stand on end.

Slowly, I raised my fist and punched the regressor's chest.

"That suits you much more. If you're strong, you can just do whatever you want."

Albert stepped in between us, pulling us apart.

"Now now, Yuyu, why is it always so confrontational with you?"

"This guy just got on my nerves."

"Oh yeah? Well, you… you're a nerd!"

Oh…

Albert and I looked at the guy with deep pity. Poor one couldn't trash talk at all.

We both patted his shoulders while he glared at us, not hiding his malice at all.

"Well then," I said, "To kick of this friendship, let's compete in this exam."

"Friends? Who's friends?"

"We can't really compete, you know. We're in a team."

"Well Albert," that bastard spoke. "I don't think we should be in a team with this asshole."

"What did you say? Albert, tell him!"

"There there, we're already in a team."

"No, we have to get it sealed by using that device they gave us—" Luka stopped speaking and looked down. The small brooch he had been handed over by the faculty was glowing blue, so was mine and Albert's.

"I already did that while you were fighting."

This fucker.

He was in no mood to let his plan be ruined.

"The goal is to get as many golem cores in this floor as we can. You pass with just one, but the rest will determine your ranking."

"Ah…" Luka sighed. He turned my way and shot me a sharp glare. "Then we still can compete…"

I smirked, nice fighting spirit.

I was liking this guy. That's why you shouldn't wear masks, kids, nothings better than your true selves.

"Whoever gets more cores, wins."

"No, like I said, you can't."

""WHY!?"" Luka and I snapped at Albert at once.

The man smiled and pointed around.

"Because there were only five golems."

We looked around. And the last golem was snapped off by a one-eyed princess.

"You're not fighting golems anymore, but people."

Haha.

Hahaha.

"How naive, Albert."

"I hate to agree with this scumbag, but that's true, you're naive."

So what if its people.

"We'll knock them out too."

I cracked my knuckles while Luka snapped his neck.

"In that case, count me in," Albert grinned too, stretching his arms. "If I win, you're both going to do one thing I ask of you."

"If I win… you're going to be my slave, Eugene Hall."

"HAH! Slave he says!"

I was liking this guy more and more.

"Why? Can't power do anything? Then you'll have to bend to power."

"Perfect, if I win… Well, you losers can't give me anything."

"Bastard—"

"So how about both of you chop off a finger, we can go around saying samesies."

"Crazy fucker."

"Fine. It's just a finger, I don't mind."

The three shared a glare.

"Oh, and, attacking your teammates is out the rules, remember it, ok?" Albert intervened right before we could say 'it's on' all together. This blabbermouth really didn't know when to shut up.

"Fine fine."

"No, seriously, you'll get disqualified."

"Whatever," Luka said. "It's on."

"We were supposed to say that together you lame fucks."

No one listened to my complain as they set off.

Seriously?

Well, I guess I can give cute weaklings a head start. They would be losing a finger soon anyway.