The Undying Mecha Emperor

If I had to name the most fatal weakness that my big bro has, it would be that he is sometimes ridiculously unlucky.

I can name several critical emergencies that he found himself in that was due to his ridiculous bad luck.

Most of them were classified situations, so the world has no idea. But one of them was high profile.

The Holy Zamrud Heist.

It was a heist that was not supposed to "happen" since we had a perfect replica of that emerald.

But as you know, the alarm was somehow triggered and the whole world descended into near chaos trying to search for the thief.

I could admit now with a clear conscience that we were the thieves.

Of course we see ourselves as Robin Hoods, stealing from the mighty and rich European Empire so that the poor Chinese Federation could get a power source for… Ehm. You'll know when you know.

Anyway, it was Bruce Pang who triggered that damn alarm.

A single strand of his stealth fabric had been ripped due to a tricky trap earlier. And right before we made our escape, that strand of fabric had to sashay past a highly sensitive laser sensor and caused the entire fortress to lockdown.

The world called it a heist.

Those who knew the details called it a robbery.

Because I had to blast open the final protection dome and devour at least a thousand mechas cleanly to make good our escape.

Not that I was complaining. The thousand mechas were the best of the best.

But what was supposed to be a clean heist turned into a fiasco thanks to my big bro and his damned bad luck.

Still, that streak of bad luck knew how to discipline itself, and didn't rear its ugly head all the time. It only appeared on several occasions.

Other times, it allowed its good brother named ridiculous good luck, to hang out around my big bro.

Because if I had to name one of Bruce Pang's greatest strengths, it would be his luck as well.

Sheer, unadulterated, good luck.

Just like at that moment when we had to drive that Blue Dragon forward into the vast cavern.

"Say, why don't you give this Blue Dragon some sort of full body armor, and include a helm around its head? Make blue light shine out of it, so if we happen to meet with his minions, they would not realize that their master is out cold." Bruce Pang casually suggested.

"Minions? From the biological defenses you mentioned?" I asked as I immediately did as he suggested.

The Blue Dragon quickly turned into a fearsome half armored beast biomech that sported an angry looking helm with ominously shining blue eyes.

"When you said biological defenses, I thought it would be viruses or automated biomechs. But minions… that would probably include other blue dragons, right?" I asked. "Or maybe even… a mate??"

The thought of meeting with an angry blue dragon wifey really didn't sit well with me at that moment.

"I have no idea." Bruce Pang answered honestly. "But it would be good to be prepared just in ca-"

GRAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

A fearsome roar sounded out of nowhere!!

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?!"

Was the translation of the roar given by the AI.

Yes.

It was a blue dragon wifey.

As I said, Bruce Pang's luck was just ridiculous.

Ridiculously good, in that instance.

GRAAAAAHHHHHH? GRAAAHHH!!!!

"What's with that awesome looking armor? Come in and let me take a look!"

Bruce Pang and I shared a very, very complex look at that moment.

On one hand, we managed to gain access into the Blue Dragon's lair. It was awesome!

On the other hand, his wife was in it! It was horrible!

GRAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GRAAAAHHHHHH??

Another dragon roar that was clearly different from the first one sounded.

"Husband you're home!!! What present did you get for me this time??"

Came the translation.

Both our eyes widened in utter disbelief.

"What the hell?" I mouthed.

But they weren't done.

GRAAAAAHHHHH!!! GRAAAAAHHH!!!

GRAAAAHHH!! GRAHHHHH!!!!!

"Shut the hell up! You're just a concubine, know your place!"

"You shut up! You old ugly dragon!!"

The slightest hint of mirth started to appear on Bruce Pang's shocked face.

GRAAAHHHHHH!!!! GRAAAAAHHHHHH!!

GRAAAHHHH!!! GRAAAHH!!!

"You slimy bitch of a dragon! I will teach you a lesson right here and now!!"

"Come then! Bring it on you senile old witch!"

For some reason, I started to feel sorry for the Blue Dragon dude.

Graaaahhh!! Graaahhhhh!!

Graahhh!!

Graaaaaaaahhhhh!! Graaaaahhh!!!!

Three cute roars suddenly rang out also, just as we reached the end of the cavern.

"Mommy! Stop fighting with that ugly witch!"

"Yes mommy, ignore her!"

"Stop fighting! Dad check on dad's condition please, he seems kind of strange!"

The roars may sound cute, but their words cut really deeply.

GRAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! GRAAGRAGRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

A roar of anguish and indignance rang out from the first dragon that was presumably the childless main wife.

"HUSBAND!!! COME IN AND TEACH YOUR SLUTTY CONCUBINE AND HER HELLSPAWNS A LESSON!!!"

At her words, a massive portal shimmered into existence and we smoothly entered it without pausing.

It may be a vicious family drama, but somehow everything worked perfectly for us.

It would be really troublesome if they didn't fight and the main wife did not open the portal for us as we completely had no idea how to make the portal appear!

Upon entering the portal, we were immediately transported into a strange area.

Or rather, a more accurate description would be, a beautiful paradise.

It may sound completely unbelievable, but everything I am about to describe, well everything I have said and will say, for that matter, are all true.

I don't need you to believe me, but for the sake of an accurate recounting of my time on planet earth and for posterity to know and enjoy my story, I will leave out no detail, no matter how absurd they will sound.

And no, it is nothing like the fictional work written by a particular delusional author.

His stories are meant to entertain.

Mine are meant to inform.