The Two Hundred and Eighty Pound Fat Girl and Her Five Husbands

Chapter 182

After speaking, Lin Zaozao took out a feather duster that she had prepared from her waist and started waving it enthusiastically while chanting some nonsense at top speed.

"Paramedla Minicooper, I'm driving so cool.

Rolls Royce Phantom, I'm a living legend.

Tall and mighty like your big sis, wise and powerful, needless to say.

I walk so gallantly wherever I go, I'm always a heavyweight.

If heaven is merciful, it also grows old. I'm heaven's darling.

Here comes the wind! And the rain! And thunder!

Help me shock these vicious bastards down below!"

As soon as Zaozao finished chanting, the system immediately played along and started generating artificial rain.

A fierce wind passed and brought dark clouds which soon poured heavy rain.

In no time, the downpour drenched the hundred thousand troops under the city wall into drowned rats.

The sudden storm baffled the hundred thousand soldiers who looked up in astonishment at the formerly clear sky that had turned pitch black instantly.

The thickening dark clouds unleashed torrential rain that soon turned the ground outside the city walls into pools of water.

In those pools stood the drenched troops of Canglan and Fengshuo that now looked like little mud men.

The mud had now turned those handsome men and beautiful women into ugly freaks.

Thanks to Zaozao's spell, the battlefield had shifted from day to night in a blink.

Not only were Canglan and Fengshuo soldiers shocked by the abrupt weather change, even the Han soldiers on the city wall stared at Zaozao in surprise.

Facing their incredulous looks, Zaozao calmly held her feather duster and shouted at the soldiers below,

"Now that I, the grand wizard have summoned divine punishment, are you shrimps ready to retreat?

If you don't retreat now, don't blame me for showing no mercy!"

"Evil witch! You're asking for death!"

Seeing Zaozao get shot at by a soaked Zhao Qinglan, she chuckled lightly.

Today, she would create an epic legend for Her Majesty, the Han Empress Mingzhu.

Which was, to shock a hundred thousand little mud men with lightning.

[System! Turn the voltage up high and shock those shrimp soldiers down there.

Remember, make it loud and dramatic. I'm really faking it impressively today.]

[Alright host, massive electric shock mode initiated immediately.]

Right after the system responded, lightning and deafening thunder rumbled through the dark clouds, tearing them open with long streaks of light.

The thunder that followed struck the troops down below with great force.

The next second, Zaozao clearly witnessed Zhao Qinglan who just shot an arrow at her shiver violently under the intense electric current.

Before Zhao Qinglan could ready his bow again after several lightning strikes, more thunderbolts zapped the army,

Since water conducts electricity, the ten thousand enemy troops standing in the pools contracted and leapt in unison to the "jitterbug".

"E-e-evil w-w-witch, y-you're g-g-gonna die. I-I-I'll k-k-kill you..."

Hearing Zhao Qinglan's intermittent curses under electrocution, Zaozao nearly laughed out loud.

Damn jerk!

Although she couldn't feel the stimulating effect herself now with her immunity, it surely didn't feel pleasant judging by their trembling.

Yet Zhao Qinglan still couldn't shut his filthy mouth under immense voltage and kept calling her an evil witch.

If she didn't retaliate, she wouldn't be Zaozao.

So she mimicked his voice and shouted back,

"S-s-stut-tut-tering ass-asshole!

Ah hahaha... Aiyaayaaya... Ow ow ow owiee... Wooo wooo wooo...."

Hearing Zaozao's gleeful laughter, the electrified soldiers of Canglan and Fengshuo got even more infuriated.

Too bad they couldn't get a word out under the increasing electricity.

Just when Zaozao was gloating at their quivering forms, loud farts suddenly erupted among the troops, making her stop laughing abruptly.

[System, besides making people shiver, can your electrocution also make them fart?]

[No. Go ask your Ji Fantian and Xiao Taohua about their farting. This has nothing to do with my system.]

[Oh really? But why do the deafening mass farts down there sound so familiar?]

[Ask your boy toy. My system is innocent. I would never do something so rude!]

[Shameless system! Since when were you polite? You made me fart nonstop for three days back in Luoshui village, how come you didn't call yourself a well-behaved child then?]

[Host, you were as fat as Zhu Bajie back in Luoshui village then. My system only devised this method to make you slimmer and prettier.

Yet now you're trying to blame me instead? You're utterly shameless!]

[I'm shameless? Then what are you, a lying dog system?]

[Why you...call me a dog again and I'll make you fart like that too!]

[Alright alright, I won't scold you anymore. Nice system kiddo, you're so polite and wouldn't do such nasty things, I know I know!]

[I know, scram!]

[Going going, scramming now!]

Feeling the system log off furiously, Zaozao turned to Ji Fantian and Xiao Taohua,

"Xiaohua, Fantian, would you care to explain why the troops down there are creating a symphony of farts?

I guarantee that the deafening mass farting isn't my wizardry. "

Hearing Zaozao's questioning, Xiaohua and Fantian glanced at each other awkwardly and scratched their noses.

"Zaozao, since there were so many people to drug and we didn't have enough ingredients, I only gave them some harmless laxatives last night. As for the fart-inducing ones, ask Xiaohua about that." Fantian said weakly with his nose pinched.

"Xiaohua, so...?"

Covering her nose tightly, Xiaohua explained somewhat sheepishly,

"Zaozao, I just drew inspiration from you!

When we first met, your loud farts every step really left a deep impression on me!

So during my free time, I concocted this medicine that causes deafening mass farts.

I had originally planned to prank you with it. But you're immune to all poisons, so it wouldn't have worked anyway.

Since I had to give them laxatives last night, I decided to test my improved farting potion on them too.

It'd be such a waste not to use my brilliant medicine, don't you think so?"

After hearing Xiaohua's clarification, Zaozao pointed at the fart orchestra below and said in muffled laughter,

"So you invented that deafening fart drug to play a prank on me!?

Xiaohua, if I weren't immune to all poisons right now and took your potion, I would've exploded already! You really are something else, Xiaohua."

"Don't be mad, Zaozao! I only invented the drug but never actually used it on you!" Xiaohua quickly appeased her before Zaozao could retort.

Before she finished talking though, the horrid stench rising from below interrupted them again.

"Damn! This reeks! Xiaohua's fart potion sure is powerful! How could it smell this atrocious?!"

While speaking, Zaozao buried her head in Fantian's embrace to escape the malodor.

After all, Ji Fantian always wore a fragrant sachet on his body. The scent of the medicine could help diminish the stench of farts coming from below.

"Good morning. This stench should not be from the thunderous fart medicine I gave them, but rather from the laxative Xiao Taohua slipped to them taking effect.

If I'm not mistaken, the 10,000 soldiers below, under the combined effects of the rain, lightning, and laxative, should have collectively dropped their pants."

As soon as Xiao Taohua finished speaking, everyone standing on the city wall froze.

The next second, everyone standing on the city wall tightly covered their noses with their hands.

They had no choice but to cover up!

The combined thunderous farts and pants-dropping stench bombs from the 10,000 soldiers were truly too powerful!

Lin Zaozao took out a handkerchief from Ji Fantian's arms and grabbed his fragrant sachet from his waist, then said to Uncle Zhang:

"Uncle! After the lightning stops, send people to capture those 10,000 stink bombs.

I really can't stand the stench of the fart bombs below. I'm so sorry! Let me slip away first.

I just can't take the stench. It's too much."

After Lin Zaozao took two steps with Ji Fantian, she turned back and placed the fragrant sachet she had on her nose into Uncle Zhang's hands, saying:

"Uncle, Ji Fantian and I will make some gas masks and fragrant sachets for you all later, so you won't faint from the stench.

Oh my! I can't take it. Gotta go first. I really can't stand it anymore. Good heavens! I'm dying from the stench!

This battle really took an unexpectedly smelly turn."

Having said that, Lin Zaozao pulled Ji Fantian to quickly run down the city wall. They had no choice but to run!

She was about to faint from the stench.

[Dear lovely system, please just knock out those 10,000 enemy soldiers below with electricity. Don't actually electrocute them to death.

Those are 10,000 lives, not 10,000 blades of grass!]

[Alright, you dog host. Do you think I'm an idiot who needs you to remind me here!?]

[Damn, you shitty system, why are you speaking so aggressively after eating farts!?]

[Lin Zaozao, I just ate you. If you dare say another word, I'll use my thunderous fart punishment on you right now!!!]

[Okay! I'll shut up!]

[Humph! Fence-sitter.]

[Damn it, you're saying that as if you aren't a fence-sitter yourself?]

The system was met with Lin Zaozao's sorrowful silence.

After all, she did not want to experience that thunderous fart punishment again in front of everyone.

It was truly too embarrassing!

That damn system, she was just waiting for the day she could get back at it!

When that time comes, she'll beat and squeeze it flat!