QT: Don't fall in love with the Male Lead

Chapter 44: Don't lose yourself in pleasure

"What are the two of you doing here?" Han Yu asks, his tone cold.

Underwater, Xi Zirui tries to stay as still as possible.

"Ah, this concubine knew the pavilion was empty and ran into the Guard Captain on his way here," that voice Xi Zirui can almost place says, sounding terrified.

"This servant apologizes for disturbing His Highness' rest," the gruffer of the two voices says.

That is all well and good, but Xi Zirui is running out of air. He pinches Han Yu's thigh to remind him to get rid of the two intruders. Quickly.

"In the future refrain from visiting this place," Han Yu says, haughty and cold. "Just because this pavilion and courtyard sits empty, doesn't mean everyone is free to make use of it."

"Of course, your Highness. This concubine apologizes for disturbing His Majesty, once again."

There's the sound of retreating steps, but then they stop, and someone walks back into the the thicket of bamboo. 

Han Yu groans. "This Prince won't tell Imperial Father about the company his concubines keep! Now leave!"

Xi Zirui is almost passing out by the time Han Yu drags him out of the water by his arms and settles him against his chest.

After taking a big, thirsty lungful of air Xi Zirui notices Han Yu's amused grin. "What does Han Yu find so amusing about us almost being caught?"

"That I now know that at least two of my father's concubines have lovers behind his back," Han Yu says, biting Xi Zirui's earlobe playfully.

That's how Xi Zirui learns that it was Cao Fei who walked in on them, accompanied by none other than the captain of the palace guards, Jin Ranyu. 

Xi Zirui can't believe meek little Cao Fei would be bold enough to have an affair behind the Emperor's back... it's always the quiet ones, uh?

'What does that make me?' Xi Zirui asks himself in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Ni Ni's robotic timbre. 

He's distracted out of his thoughts by Han Yu's touch along his thigh. "In a way it makes me feel less unfilial."

Han Yu's eyes are shining in a way that Xi Zirui knows means nothing good, but he still can't stop himself from asking, "How so?"

"How can I be to blame if my father is such an appalling lover that two of his spouses went to look for comfort elsewhere?" He smiles brightly and kisses Xi Zirui on the lips. "In a way, I'm doing my part to keep my father's household together. I'm sure my ancestors would understand."

Xi Zirui doesn't have time to unpack Han Yu's daddy issues right now, because he has to go back to said daddy very soon, but he loves his carefree smile, so he returns it with one of his own, and says, "I couldn't agree more."

---

It's nearly dusk when Xi Zirui makes it back to the Spring Chrysanthemum pavilion. He knows it's cutting it too close, but every time he said he needed to go back Han Yu begged him for "just one more kiss", and Xi Zirui wasn't strong enough to deny him.

He slips into his room through the sliding door and stores the veil hat back into its chest. He should probably change into something a little sexier, make Su Xueyi really believe he spent the entire day waiting in breathless anticipation for his visit.

The thought of that leaves a bad feeling in his mouth.

His first order of business is finding Xiao Gou and letting him know he's back.

It doesn't take long to find the little boy. As soon as Xi Zirui opens the door to his room he finds him sleeping curled up in a ball on the floor by his door.

Silly boy, did he spend the entire time Xi Zirui was away keeping watch?

Xi Zirui bundles him into his arms and brings him inside his room.

He sits down on the little low table by the sliding doors and settles Xiao Gou on his lap, still curled up like a lazy cat.

There's a bowl of fresh mandarins on top of the table, and Xi Zirui peels one for Xiao Gou. He reckons he must be hungry, especially if he stayed put the whole day.

He can be really stubborn when he wants to.

"Xiao Gou, have an orange," Xi Zirui says, shaking him awake.

He stretches and yawns loudly, and when his senses return to him smiles up brightly at Xi Zirui. "Xi-fei is back."

Xi Zirui runs his fingers over his prickly scalp. "You didn't have to keep guard, no one is going to just walk into my room."

Xiao Gou takes the peeled slices from Xi Zirui's hands and stuffs them into his mouth, ravenous. "I didn't want Xi-fei to get in trouble."

"Silly boy, I wouldn't get in trouble," Xi Zirui says, despite the knot around his throat. 

It's a little worrying that at such an young age Xiao Gou is already concerned regarding what might happen to Xi Zirui.

He doesn't know what's happening yet, but he's smart enough to understand that an adult's secrecy is seldom a good thing.

"Anyway, in the future you don't need to keep guard, just go play outside, or practice your characters with Granny Ma..."

As he's saying this a loud voice announces the Emperor's arrival.

Xi Zirui doesn't even have the time to sweep away the mandarin peels or get Xiao Gou off his lap before Su Xueyi is walking into his room.

So much for, 'no one is going to just walk into my room'.

Xi Zirui grimaces self-consciously. "May His Majesty forgive this concubine, for not greeting him at the door."

Su Xueyi smiles at the scene of Xi Zirui sitting on the floor and cradling Xiao Gou to his chest like an infant. "Who is this child?"

"He's this one's servant, named Xiao Gou. This concubine learned that he worked hard and ate little today, and wanted him to have something to eat before going to bed."

For his part, Xiao Gou holds onto Xi Zirui's arm and gives Su Xueyi a petrified look, not daring to move even a muscle.

"Is that so? Does Xi-fei like children?" There's something shining in Su Xueyi's eyes that signals to Xi Zirui that this isn't a question he's asking out of simple curiosity.

"This concubine likes them," he says, trying to disguise the trepidation in his voice.

"Congratulations Host! Emperor's favor went up +5 points. Now at 80 points of a possible 100."

Xi Zirui tries to hold on to his placid smile in the face of Ni Ni's words.

"Tell the child to leave." Su Xueyi's heated gaze doesn't leave Xi Zirui as he speaks.

Xiao Gou looks up at him with a scared look. Unlike Su Xueyi, the little boy can tell how much Xi Zirui doesn't want to be alone.

Xi Zirui gets up to his feet, and guides Xiao Gou by the hand towards the door. "Go on, Xiao Gou, we'll see each other tomorrow."

Xiao Gou gives him one last worried glance but Xi Zirui keeps smiling and closes the door, shutting him outside the room.

He's still facing the door when Su Xueyi pins him against it, holding on tightly to his waist and breathing harshly into his neck. "If Xi-fei wants we can have a child. The next time a concubine gets pregnant I'll take the child away and give it to Xi-fei to raise. He can raise it as if it came from both of us."

Xi Zirui doesn't have time to be horrified by Su Xueyi's words, because he's busy trying to stop him from tearing his robes open.

He hasn't drunk the wine yet. Xi Zirui is threading on dangerous territory here.

Muffling a fake giggle, Xi Zirui bats Su Xueyi's hands away, and squirms in a way that makes it seem like he wants to be chased.

Su Xueyi is amused by this, and allows him to escape his hold so that he can chase him across the room.

Xi Zirui evades Su Xueyi's lunges, letting out breathless little gasps every time he's almost caught, but his coquettish act is only inflaming Su Xueyi, instead of tiring him out.

Xi Zirui needs to change tactics. He lets himself slide against a bedpost, clinging to his heaving chest. "Ah, this concubine needs a moment to steady his breathing, apologies to His Majesty."

If Su Xueyi is upset at having their play interrupted he doesn't let it show. He pours Xi Zirui a cup of tea and watches him drink it avidly.

Xi Zirui gives him a grateful look through his long lashes and dabs at the corners of his lips with his long sleeves. "His Majesty is always so attentive with his lowly concubine. This one doesn't want to cause any unrest among the harem. This one would be happy raising any orphan child, or any child whose mother didn't want them."

Smiling sweetly, Su Xueyi takes the cup from Xi Zirui's hands and sits down on the bed pulling Xi Zirui into his lap. "Xi-fei has a tender heart, this Emperor can see it from the way he dotes on that servant boy. But this Emperor can't let his beloved Xi-fei raise some mongrel off the streets, or someone's bastard son...it wouldn't be proper."

It costs Xi Zirui to speak through his stiff smile. "Of course, this concubine understands, but he still wouldn't want to separate a child from a mother who loves them."

Su Xueyi throws his head back in a riotous guffaw, his broad shoulders shaking with the strength of his laughter, when it finally subsides he pins Xi Zirui with a look of fond indulgence, as if he is a cat whose antics amuse him endlessly. 

"Xi-fei, all the children born in the harem have only one mother, the Empress. Who gives birth to them is irrelevant. So Xi-fei sees, he can raise the child without feeling any guilt. The child would grow up calling the Empress Imperial Mother, and this Emperor Imperial father, but who's to say it couldn't call Xi-fei dad, or daddy?"

Clenching his hands into fists, Xi Zirui gets up from Su Xueyi's lap and gives him a besotted look over the shoulder. "His Majesty is wise, this concubine has much to learn from him."

He tries to steady his shaking fingers as he gets the adulterated wine bottle from the cabinet and pours them two cups.

Su Xueyi comes up from behind him and grips him by the waist. "This Emperor is impatient, we can drink later."

"Ah, the wine helps this one let go of his inhibitions," he lowers his eyelashes shyly, "but perhaps His Majesty found this one's behaviour unsightly and vulgar yesterday."

He can feel Su Xueyi's moist breath on the back of his neck drawing closer as his arm circles Xi Zirui to take the cup from between his fingers.

"This Emperor wants Xi-fei to lose himself in pleasure completely," Su Xueyi says, holding Xi Zirui's gaze as he dawns the cup in one swallow.

---

Xi Zirui only has to endure a few more moments of agony, between pretending to drink his own cup, and evading Su Xueyi's grasping fingers until Su Xueyi's eyelids start trembling and he eventually collapses on the bed.

Sighing in relief, Xi Zirui slides down to the floor and hugs his knees to his chest. He can't believe how close that was, his hands are still shaking.

He hopes Su Xueyi grows tired of him soon. 

Hours pass and Xi Zirui remains sitting on the floor trying to make sense of his own thoughts, until a familiar melody drifts through the half-open sliding doors.

Xi Zirui's heart starts beating furiously in his chest. 

He needs to see Han Yu, only then will he feel like himself again.

Throwing open the sliding doors he slips on his boots and runs outside, following the song as if he's being pulled by an invisible string. 

He finds Han Yu sitting on the moon window, playing with his eyes closed.

Xi Zirui approaches him silently, mesmerized by the soft fan of his lashes across his smooth cheeks.

When he's standing almost over him, Han Yu notices his presence and looks up at him.

The longing in those limpid black eyes makes Xi Zirui's hear seize. He pulls the flute away from Han Yu's lips and grips his wrist. "Come with me."

Su Xueyi said he wanted him to 'lose himself in pleasure', there's only a way for Xi Zirui to do that.