QT: Against My Will

374 6.12 – Burnout – The Wheel Of Time

+— Author’s note —-+

Edited by Psycho S.

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Snuffling unsteadily with his broken nose, Xuan Mu squeezed her body tightly while murmuring, “It’s not a dream... She is here...” The dried blood mixed made for a macabre work of art; red liquid that had been blackened combined with the purple bruises blooming on his face and cuts that kissed his marred skin made him look all the more pitiful.

Completing his artful visage was his scrunched up face, where thick eyebrows furrowed and met in the middle of his forehead, and his broken nose twisted just this much to make the frowning lines on his face more noticeable. His appearance alone made her heart ache but with the addition of his cracking voice and choked-up breathing, it felt like a tear was being carved into her heart.

“Hubby, I’ll be gone if you don’t let me treat your injuries,” Bing Shi, after gently caressing his messed up cheek – as an assurance for herself or for him, she didn’t know, she insistently pressed a rejuvenation pill against his cracked lips. The vulnerable uncertainty in his quiet voice made her believe that she was just a fraction of his illusion. “Hu...”

“Shh...” After taking her off-guard, he quickly took off her gas mask. With one hand holding on to her gas mask, his other bare hand stretched out a crooked finger to softly touch her opened lips. Because of his actions, the rejuvenation pill had entered his mouth but he didn’t want it, so he puffed his cheeks and spat the medicine out with no remorse in his heart.

He didn’t want the pill, he wanted his wife. Ignoring her indignant stare, he pressed his lips against her forehead, gracing her with a butterfly kiss, “You, the one who just broke my ribs, are talking about treating my injuries?”

“Well, if a kiss can not wake up a sleeping beauty...What about a nightmare?” She forcefully bit the fingers that stubbornly stayed against her lips; the crazy lad didn’t even flinch.

.....

Bing Shi, intent on keeping ‘true’ to her words, pressed a knife against his eye socket. When the sharpened point hovered just barely before his black iris, the mad man above her didn’t even move, “Hubby, I’m not just any person. I’m your soulmate. Hate me or eat me whole.”

Her words brought a quietness within the room. Relaxing his bitten fingers and freeing them from her cheek, Xuan Mu traced her fragile wrist, allowing her to keep the knife. It was so unlike Bing Shi to get this violent. His gaze swept over her carefully, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. The slow pace in which he gazed at her made her squirm in uneasiness. Seeing her like this, leashed to his bed and covered in his blood, made him burn on the inside, though that burning was not in a good way.

A silent hubby was scary, but a hubby that didn’t lust after her was even scarier. It was easy to deal with hubby when he was aroused; they only needed to do the devil’s tango and he would be satisfied. That was easy because the devil’s tango had steps. It had a routine. She knew what to do. But a silent hubby? He was not as easy to deal with because not even the mature version of the cha-cha dance made him happy. This version of him... was too difficult to deal with right now.

Bing Shi curled into a fetus position, too exhausted to deal with the current him- in fact, she was too exhausted to deal with anything right now. It was just so easy to be cruel and do damage that couldn’t be undone like she did a while ago when breaking his bones, but she proceeded to lock herself behind her prison of forceful self-control instead.

For how long would Bing Shi be able to keep her self-imposed shields up? She feared that she wouldn’t be able to keep them up for much longer...

“Don’t ignore me,” Xuan Mu leaned over her, his head lowering slowly so he would be right next to her. He slid his arms around her waist, holding her immobile, like he was a cage and she a prisoner.

He pressed the upper half of her body into the bed, molding and shaping the leftover space until it fit his body frame. Without the gas mask covering her face, there was nothing that could hide her emotions that came to life in full force.

Bing Shi yearned for a break, and asked for it in a very aggressive way. He would never be able to comprehend what she wanted unless she drilled a hole into his stomach. He waited for a very long time... how pitiful. But so what? And? What about her?

She didn’t skip time like most would think. She left behind a part of her memories, a part of herself, like a trail of breadcrumbs, as time drifted alone and she could not phase through it. As a spirit without a soul, her presence was miniscule. She was weaker than an imperceptible ghost. She couldn’t talk, couldn’t see, couldn’t move and couldn’t think... She was just there. Drifting in the abyss.

She could only feel emotions: hers and other’s. Trapped inside that chaotic void, she didn’t know what and who she was anymore. She was slowly losing herself as others kept forming her into something they wanted her to be. Did she tell him that? No! It was not about who suffered more!

“Talk to me...” he turned her face in his direction, “...and drop that facade.”

Bing Shi spun around and began to push him away while kicking and thrashing around.

Xuan Mu swallowed a whimper that wanted to exit his tightly pressed lips. She was like a biochemical weapon that awakened the fading twinkle in his dark eyes for a second, and killed it the next. When her frustration built up and he thought he would explode, he took a deep breath.

She wanted to shout so loud her throat would rip apart; threaten to leave him just to watch him break a little more; throw a tantrum like a child and burst into a fit of angry crying... She wanted to vent. She wanted to let it all out, but... she didn’t do the things she wanted to. At least, not to the extreme like she desired deep inside.

He tried to calm down as he held onto her tightly, “My, my, aren’t you a violent one?”

“Get off me!” She screamed as the clean lines of her knife were soon stained with his blood. If he was dissatisfied with how she turned out then let her go! There was no need to force himself to stick with her! Let! Her! Go!

Bing Shi’s thoughts became so scattered that functioning normally was impossible. She needed a reassuring presence; someone who was loving, calm, and stable. She needed a chance to regulate her erratic emotions with an equally powerful human brain; with someone who made peace with themselves and were content with who they were currently.

However, from Xuan Mu, all she got was the opposite. He was no good for her, though she should have known this, long before this moment, “Stop wasting your time and leave me alone! You can’t save me with those shitty mood swings of yours! Leave!”

The pain in her anguished voice hurt his heart and he listened as the rage inside of her culminated until it forcefully escaped her spitfire mouth.

Her words as hot as molten lava that erupted from ancient volcanoes... aimed at the person she loved most, “I don’t want to become stronger anymore! Just let me die already!”

The harm and goodness she caused in the previous worlds were coming back at her with full force, shaping and molding her in accordance with other souls’ curses and prayers, “I don’t want to feel anything anymore...don’t make me feel, please. I don’t want to suffer anymore...”

+– ANTIPIRACY NOTE–+

Hello, dear reader. If by any chance, you are reading this somewhere else besides W e b n o v e l, it means you’re reading my novel illegally. To support my work, please read QT: Against My Will from an original source, which is w w w dot w e b n o v e l dot com. Thank you.

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