Maybe a Fake Gintama

Chapter 296: Although I Don’t Know What Title to Write, but I Have to Write Something...

"Isn't it better to be mistaken for a handsome guy?" After a yawn, Gintoki continued nonchalantly, "We didn't say a single lie. Even if the other party misunderstood, it doesn't concern us."

"Anyone would misunderstand this kind of thing!" Shinpachi said in a hurry.

"Don't worry about it. Can't you just treat it as the kind of [guess that is me] game?" Kawaki frowned and spread out his hands, throwing out an indifferent tone, "It's just like the photos of the girl with her friend you just met in the chat software and then asked you [guess which one is me] is almost the same."

"It's completely different!" Shinpachi shouted, "Speaking of which, we were not playing this kind of game at all! And with such a poor photo, how can I ask that question!"

After ignoring Shinpachi's words, Gintoki sat up and muttered, "But no matter what, receiving a reply means that the first level has finally broken through..."

But before he could finish speaking, Gintoki was interrupted by Kondo, who was under the wooden floor.

"You're too naive. The first stage? You're still far from it." Kondo poked his head out. He did not notice that the atmosphere had quietly changed because of his appearance. He crossed his arms and continued, "You haven't even touched the door."

"I don't want to be lectured by someone who doesn't even know how to enter properly!" As he shouted, Shinpachi jumped directly into Kondo's face. The ground around Kondo shattered.

"There's no need to say anything, Shinpachi-kun," Kondo continued as if nothing had happened, "I have a rough understanding of what happened in the past few days."

"How did you know?!" Shinpachi moved his foot away, pointed at Kondo, and shouted, "Okita-san came here to look for you! When did you start hiding there?!"

"Since it's a matter of love, why don't you discuss it with me, who is called a love expert?" Kondo asked in a serious manner.

"You are a stalker expert, right? I have never seen such a love expert covered in dirt!" Shinpachi retorted loudly.

However, Kondo was not affected by Shinpachi's words at all. He replied with a confident look, "That's right! You can't give up even if you have to be covered in dirt!"

"Give up! I beg you! Please give up!" Shinpachi held his head and begged.

"Letters, how nostalgic..." Kondo sat up and chuckled, a hint of nostalgia appearing on his face, "I used to correspond a lot. I'd get so nervous each time a letter came. I can't remember how many times I went to make payments."

Looking at Kondo reminiscing his past, everyone was speechless.

"That wasn't correspondence! Those were bills for the crap you signed up for!" Shinpachi couldn't help but complain.

"Was not! I remember it in my heart!" Kondo retorted without thinking.

"So you did go on an adult site?!" Shinpachi shouted.

...

"Shinpachi-kun," Kondo glanced at Kawaki and Gintoki sitting under the eaves behind him, then leaned close to Shinpachi's ear and whispered, "I think that kind of man who only knows the corrupt way of love will not understand the love of making pen pals! Leave it to your future brother-in-law!"

"What are you talking about!" Gintoki instantly stood up and shouted, "I don't want to be lectured by an uncle who is addicted to virtual love!"

"That's right, that's right!" Kawaki also stood up and echoed.

"Then let me ask the two of you, what would you do in this situation?" Kondo pointed at the two of them and asked seriously, "The other party has already started to be interested in Shinpachi-kun, but what would he write? For example..."

As he spoke, Kondo coughed twice, pinched his throat, and continued, "I work part-time at a Yorozuya in Edo. I'm always poor and my hobby is chasing after pop idols... How can you be popular with that?! What Yorozuya?! It's too suspicious! What chasing after pop idols? It's too disgusting!"

"Bastard!" Gintoki retorted, his veins popping out, "I don't want to be told that by you. Don't underestimate Yorozuya!"

"That's right! What's wrong with chasing after pop idols!" Shinpachi retorted with the same expression, "It's much better than a stalker who refuses to let go even if he is hated!"

"Well, although Yorozuya is a sh*t-like thing, chasing after pop idols is an important part of Shinpachi's character setting. Although it is also sh*t, without this, Shinpachi is not like Shinpachi." Kawaki frowned and murmured with one hand supporting his chin.

"Hey! You're going too far! Which side are you on?!" Gintoki shouted.

"No, I didn't mean that..." Kondo shook his head and then looked at Shinpachi and Gintoki with a serious face again. He asked, "Are you popular now?"

Hearing this, Shinpachi and Gintoki could not help but take a step back at the same time.

"No right? Naturally!" Kondo continued, "Do you understand now? Write out your lives in such a straightforward way and see if there are any women who will take the bait!"

"Then do you want me to lie?!" Shinpachi retorted without hesitation.

"Although we use some tricks, we will never lie!" Gintoki took a step forward and said loudly at the same time.

"That makes sense. It's not good to lie." Kawaki nodded, "Even if you hook up with a woman with a lie, you will be exposed one day! Once you tell a lie, you need a lot of lies to cover it up! So, once the two sides get along for a long time, the other party will gradually find out the truth! Even after marriage, the other party will then propose a divorce because of this!"

"No, that, Kawaki-san, you think too far ahead. It's just a pen pal. It's too early to get married." Shinpachi corrected him with a blank expression.

"No, when considering anything, you should take one step at a time and see three steps at a time!" Kawaki retorted seriously and then sighed softly, "So, a lie is still a lie no matter how gorgeous words are used to cover it up..."

"Wait a minute!" Kondo interrupted Kawaki. He crossed his arms and snorted disdainfully, "Lying? No, how could I do something that goes against my Bushido? I just want to say that the general impression will also change as long as the point of view is changed. For example..."

As he spoke, Kondo coughed twice again. He pinched his throat and said softly, "I learned Bushido from the side of a samurai named Gin-san and practiced hard day and night. My hobby is music appreciation. Because I often indulge in it, my wallet is always empty, so I'm always poor."

"Oh!" Shinpachi exclaimed with his eyes wide open.

"The meaning is the same as before, but the impression it gives is completely different," Gintoki muttered his analysis.

Kawaki, on the other hand, narrowed his eyes, a little speechless.

At this time, Kondo crossed his arms and snorted. He then said, "There's still more to learn. [MY dream is to revive my family's sword dojo. My sister has been doing her best to support me and my dream. My sister is a fine woman, beautiful, gentle, and if I were to marry, she's the kind of woman I'd like to find. Lately, her beauty shines even more, and even I, her younger brother, am dazzled by it. In a word, her beauty is like a single flower. So delicate, it's as though it would fall if touched, but at the same time, it has strength that makes it unbreakable. What is even more amazing is that even with all that beauty, she remains down-to-earth. Her spirit remains pure and glows like the morning sun. Is this a miracle? No, it is not. It is she herself that is the miracle. And this beauty that we behold is a petite miracle, which was borne from the miracle that she is. And even more amazing, my sister...]"

"It's too long!!" Shinpachi finally interrupted Kondo, his veins popping out as he shouted, "Must you go on and on and on about my sister? As her bother, it makes me wanna puke! You said to change the point of view, but now it's all your point of view!"

As he spoke, Shinpachi's tone changed, and he continued, "Indeed, my sister's existence is indispensable in what I want to write. But you have to make it more concise, or it loses its purpose!"

"Is that so..." Kondo crossed his arms and pondered for a moment, then nodded and said, "There's no other way, then I will summarize it in one line with tears in my eyes."

As he spoke, Kondo closed his eyes and raised his head. After a few seconds, he continued, "[She turns me on.]"

"What kind of brother is that?!" Shinpachi cried out with veins in his arms, "As I said, it's all your feelings! By the way, is that all you feel?!"

"Mm~Please don't tell your sister~," Kondo said with a red face.

"As if I could!!!"

"Forget it; let's omit the matter about your sister first," Gintoki said at this time, "Even if I tell other girls about my sister, it won't do me any good. Anyway, she will become my sister-in-law in the end."

As he spoke, Gintoki raised his index finger, "Remove all the bad keywords and just write out the good places. For example... [Under the guidance of a samurai named Gin-san, I get turned on every day and night.]"

"Oh, as expected of Gintoki. It feels much cleaner." Kawaki praised.

"There is no difference at all!" Shinpachi shouted, "Get rid of the turns on for me! Isn't the worst keyword still there?! What is that turned on day and night?! It's as if I'm turn on all year round!"

"Then I'll change it to [only turn on during the weekend.]" Gintoki replied.

"Don't change it to the weekend. Just get rid of the turns on for me!"

Kawaki extended an index finger and suggested, "Why don't you let me try?"

"Please, Kawaki-san. You have to get rid of the turns on!" Shinpachi begged, "If it were Kawaki-san, who is popular with girls, he would definitely come up with some good ideas! Please!"

Hearing this, Kawaki chuckled, and the corners of his mouth curled up slightly...