I Became the Leader of the Monster Circus Troupe

Chapter 235: Wonderland – 38

A person who can remember events before the age of 5 is not common. However, events that are vividly imprinted in the mind tend to be from childhood.

Reyna’s earliest memory was when she was 4 years old.

At that time, she had been hospitalized due to a carriage accident and had just been discharged.

Everything felt unfamiliar when she returned home.

The house, the streets, even her father who came to pick her up, everything felt strange.

As soon as her father brought her home, he took her to the courtyard. Her mother was sitting on a bench there.

Her mother sat motionless, staring blankly at the empty swing in the corner of the garden.

She looked like a hollow shell, as if her soul had left her body. It seemed as if she wasn’t just asleep, but rather as if she had died with her eyes open.

“Honey, take a look at this. Reyna’s back. She’s alive and well.”

As soon as her mother heard her daughter’s name, she lifted her head, and when she saw her daughter, her unfocused eyes regained their light.

“Reyna?”

As soon as she saw her daughter, Solana got up from her seat.

She stumbled halfway, her shoes even came off, but she didn’t care, running barefoot towards her daughter.

As if afraid her daughter would disappear if she looked away, even as her knees touched the ground, she didn’t take her eyes off her.

Solana kneeled in front of her daughter and gently touched her face with her hands.

These eyes, nose, mouth. It was undoubtedly her daughter, Reyna.

Solana hugged her tightly, tears streaming down her face.

“You’re alive after all! Isn’t that right, honey? I was right, wasn’t I? Then that’s it. What mistake did the doctor make? It’s strange. They said there was no hope, but Reyna is here, alive and well. Do you remember mommy’s face? Huh? You haven’t forgotten after seeing me just two months ago, have you?”

She rambled like a madwoman.

In reality, she hadn’t had a proper meal in the last two months.

She would often just sit blankly until she passed out from exhaustion.

Sometimes she would even scream when she saw her daughter’s apparition.

“Reyna might be surprised. She still seems confused because of the shock from the accident.”

Solana wiped her tears and spoke in a calmer voice.

“Really? I’m sorry, Reyna. Mommy was so worried. Mommy thought you were gone. The priest kept asking about you. Were you cold underground? Lonely? I’m sorry. Mommy will never let go of your hand again. Okay? Mommy will always be with you, okay?”

Reyna slowly nodded her head.

Perhaps it was because she had been in a coma for so long, but everything felt unfamiliar and unsettling.

Fortunately, that awkwardness didn’t last long, disappearing within a few days.

She quickly regained her usual self while looking at photos taken with her dad and mom, reading her illustrated diary, and listening to the memories whispered by her parents.

Every day was new and joyful.

Especially enjoyable were the acrobatic practices.

Starting at such a young age because of her mom’s claim that “If she had done a backflip, she could have avoided the carriage!”

The first-class acrobats taught their daughter generously.

Reyna absorbed everything she learned.

“Isn’t she amazing? She seems more talented than I was at her age….”

“We didn’t know our daughter was this talented before, did we? Haha, is it because of our good teaching? They say ‘genius is made,’ you know?”

At those words, Simon’s expression turned cold.

“…Made? What nonsense. It’s innate. Where would our blood and my wife’s go?”

But happy times were too short-lived. In just four years. Her mother passed away when she was 8 due to illness.

Simon placed all the belongings Reyna used when she was young in his late wife’s coffin. Even after the funeral was over and all the mourners had left, he stayed by the grave for a long time.

After making a small gravestone with piled stones next to his wife’s grave, he finally left.

Perhaps he wanted to give his wife something he made with his own hands rather than a perfectly made gravestone.

Every year on his wife’s memorial day, Simon repeated the process of piling stones next to her grave.

How did he feel about his wife’s death?

His attitude towards her changed after that day.

“Uh… Dad?”

“Don’t call me Dad!”

Simon’s cold response made Reyna freeze in place as if she were frozen.

He looked at her frightened eyes, softened his expression for a moment, then hardened it again and said solemnly.

“Reyna. You’re old enough now. How long are you going to call me Dad? Call me father.”

She didn’t understand why her father suddenly treated her so coldly. But she decided to follow his words.

“Okay, Father.”

9 years old.

She tried to understand her father.

Maybe he felt so sad because he lost his wife. Maybe he felt guilty when we enjoyed our time together, thinking he was betraying my mother.

10 years old.

As she started practicing in earnest to become an acrobat, her father became stricter. Still, Reyna believed her father loved her. It was just a different way of showing it.

I’ll work hard to become an acrobat that you both can be proud of.

I’m your daughter.

11 years old.

She was scolded by her father for the first time.

Her father harshly judged each of her small mistakes.

The father who used to be delighted as if he had seen the best talent in the world even for simple tricks was no longer there. He treated her harshly.

12 years old.

The first time, she was hit by her father.

Despite claiming it was for training purposes, there was clearly hatred in her father’s eyes as he kicked her away.

I must have done something wrong. Father has reason to be angry. After all, I’m not living up to his name.

Thirteen years old.

She was forbidden to address him as “father” in official settings.

Well, it can’t be helped. Displaying personal affection during performances would disrupt teamwork, wouldn’t it? Father’s right. I shouldn’t be fooling around here.

Fourteen years old.

She experienced defeat for the first time. It was a boy from a rural circus school three years her senior, and he had remarkable skills. Indeed, the world was vast.

Father postponed her debut plans, ashamed.

Fifteen years old.

Father called her a “worthless girl.”

Was he regretting the expenses he had invested in her upbringing?

That day, she went into her room, buried her head in her album, and sobbed.

Sixteen years old.

As time passed, she began to resemble her deceased mother more and more.

Blonde hair, tall stature, mature figure.

People who were close to her mother claimed that the spirit of the magician had returned.

However, the colder her father’s gaze became towards her. Sometimes, his eyes were so sharp that she wondered if it was not hatred but something else.

I must have been mistaken.

And seventeen years old.

Reyna looked at the soul of the little girl nestled in her mother’s embrace. Though translucent, she could clearly recognize her.

It was her younger self.

Because she meticulously organized her albums by date, she realized at what age this image was taken.

She was four years old.

“Mom, there’s a guest! She arrived too early for the show and said she miss you! So I brought her here instead of playing!”

She chuckled at the child’s words.

Mom? Who are you to call my mother “mom”?

But a greater anxiety writhed in her chest than that.

If I didn’t mishear, what came out of mom’s mouth…

“Well done, Reyna.”

Reyna? Who’s Reyna?

She desperately wanted to scream.

Instead, she calmly studied her mother’s appearance again.

Could it be a namesake?

Maybe a fake.

In the circus industry, once you gain fame, impostors appear.

But Reyna couldn’t deny the voice, the gaze, the gestures directed towards her.

She couldn’t bring herself to say that she wasn’t her mother.

“Pleased to meet you. I am Lady Fantastic, the owner of Fantastic Floor Theater. What brings you here?”

Reyna wanted to rip off her mask and tell her mother that her daughter was here.

But her subconscious refused. Instead, she pointed to the instrument in Solana’s hands.

“That, um… because you’re good at playing the bass… I wanted you to hear me play…”

“Oh, are you one of the participants for the quintet?”

“Yes? Yes… yes!”

“Hehe, I’m scheduled to participate next week too. I’d like to hear you play. I wonder how good my competitor’s skills are.”

Reyna borrowed Solana’s instrument and began to play.

The performance would have been so bad that if her father had been present, he would have snatched the instrument and made her sit on the floor in disgrace.

Partly because she was nervous in front of her mother, partly because she couldn’t focus because of the fake Reyna. But most of all, because the composition itself was incomplete.

It was a piece she had composed when she was seven years old.

“It has a nice resonance. But can you really stand on the central square stage with such tension?”

Reyna bit her lip almost to the point of bleeding at the warmth and sharpness of her critique.

She couldn’t doubt anymore that this person wasn’t her mother.

It felt like talking to her mother when she was alive.

“And the song selection doesn’t suit the bass. Why did you choose this kind of song…?”

“…Have you ever heard it before?”

“No. It’s the first time I’m hearing it.”

Reyna almost let out a loud sigh of frustration.

Her sense of defeat was overwhelming.

“When I was seven, it was a piece I dedicated to my mother’s birthday.”

“Ah, so that’s why it sounded like a lullaby with a childlike innocence. You chose that song because of my daughter, didn’t you?”

My daughter?

She tightly shut her eyes.

It was hard to bear someone else being referred to as her daughter other than herself.

Did Dad feel the same way?

When she kissed Mr. Wonderstein on the cheek earlier?

No, why.

Why can’t Mom remember this?

This is an important memory. It’s the first song I composed. It’s the song I prepared for Mom’s birthday.

Mom said she liked it so much, it was touching, that she would never forget it……

She bit her lip tightly, then finally uttered the words she had wanted to say since earlier.

“Mom.”

But the moment she spoke those words, her mother quickly interjected with another.

“…the child was singing earlier, right?”

Reyna hoped she would say something to justify herself.

There are many beings like spirits or fairies here.

Oh, right. Could it be a illusion?

Maybe she created a fake doll because she missed her too much.

Perhaps it’s hypnosis. No, channelling!

I heard there are fairies that blend into human relationships pretending to be their real children, like cuckoos.

Could it be?

But Solane’s next words brutally crushed her hopes.

“Yes. Reyna. My lovely daughter.”

She hugged little Reyna and stroked her gently.

“Hehe.”

Big Reyna resisted the urge to grab that fake sitting on her mother’s lap and slap it.

That’s my place.

But why are you occupying it as if it was yours?

“It seems your daughter died early.”

Reyna blurted out, surprising herself.

Her voice was unintentionally tinged with malicious resentment.

How could her mother not recognize her own daughter even when she’s right in front of her?

But Solane didn’t sense anything strange and continued to smile, stroking little Reyna’s head.

“Yes. Actually, she died 4 years before me. But we’ve been together ever since. My daughter became my guardian spirit.”

Reyna remembered what Chen Hawk said earlier.

He mentioned souls wandering on earth unable to go to the afterlife due to strong grudges or determination.

She thought of demons, but is such a case possible?

“A guardian spirit?”

“Yes. Oh, but I’m definitely not a good mother. I realized that after I died.”

For a moment, Reyna’s intuition screamed.

Now is the time to stop asking questions.

Don’t dig any deeper here.

But she suppressed all those ominous feelings and asked.

“What do you mean?”

The moment she uttered those words, all strength drained from her body.

The time waiting for a response felt like hours, even though it was just a moment.

Eventually, Solane spoke, her voice thundering through Reyna’s mind like a storm.

“She died when she was 4 years old.”

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Chapter 234: Wonderland – 37