Harem In The Intergalactic Apocalypse

"They are an alien?" Sofia asked, but Cecil shook her head.

"No, Wayne Cash is the man's name, but everyone just calls him Cash. Each time he goes inside and then comes back out, he speaks a different language and is a different age. Others have been sent in, but they come back with shattered minds, some of them screaming unendingly," Cecil said with a small shiver, making Sofia glare up at me.

"What?!" I asked, pulling my head back to display my shock at the look that I was getting.

"I know exactly what you are thinking! You are not going in there!" Sofia snapped, and I nodded.

"No, I am not that stupid. I would never go into a place like that in my own body. I will go in a clone or send Eddie," I said.

[Go fuck yourself, Hoe! I am already doing your job! Do something yourself for once!] Eddie snapped, and I laughed out loud, making both girls give me a look.

"Looks like I will be just sending a clone. Eddie didn't seem to be thrilled about being sent in as a guinea pig," I chuckled, and Sofia rolled her eyes.

"I don't know what part of you he is, but I think it should have rolled down your mother's leg," Sofia said, and we all started to laugh.

"Alright. Let's start looking around, and try to let me know if you find anything dangerous, okay?" I asked.

"Does this count as dangerous?" Jack asked as he lifted up a gun that was almost as big as me. It had three barrels, each six inches wide, but Jack was holding it up with one hand from its small pistol grip.

My system brought up the scan for the weapon, and I ordered Jack to put it down.

[Target: Gideon Belial Destabilizer Pistol]

[Traits: Varied effects. Destabilization caused atoms to become unglued, increasing the entropy. Depending on the target, effects range from melting, falling apart, exploding, or converting into gas, depending on how much the atom's entropy is increased.]

"Don't touch that, or you are going to turn someone into a pile of goo, or worse," I warned Jack, and he put the weapon down right away.

I walked over and picked up the weapon myself, marveling how weightless it was compared to its size. I did another scan over it, but then my system targeted something on the gun that wasn't part of it. One of the small gray discs.

[Target: Anti-Gravity Discs]

[Traits: Attach to anything to surround the object with a 0g field that blocks other gravity sources. WARNING: Caution when using on living creatures. Anti-Gravity disc removed all other gravity effects, including ones that bind you to the planet.]

"Hey, Sofia! Check that big box by the Silence. There should be one filled with gray discs. Those make things light, so you can use them for moving around big things. Think of them like fancy carts or forklifts. We will have to do some research on them, but I think you will make good use of them," I called over after setting the gun back down.

"Yes, those will be very handy when unloading the crate. We could even use them on people to make them lighter," Sofia said as she found the box and pulled out some discs to look at.

"No, that is too dangerous. These things block all other gravity, so one wrong move, and you would be headed for space," I explained as I started to look around, stopping at a closed box that had something that looked like a weapon in it.

"Oh, well, I can see how that might become a problem, but you are right that they will help out a lot. I was trying to think of ways to move things around. Mr. Tree could help with some of them, but there are things that we got that even the roots had to drag out because they were too heavy," Sofia explained as I pried the lid off the crate.

Inside was something that looked like a rocket launcher made by aliens, and it was close, but this wasn't a weapon. I ran another scan over the long tube as I lifted it out with my roots, but I still couldn't believe what this was.

[Target: Heavens Harvest Launcher]

[Traits: Target plot of area up to a quarter mile square. Fire the payload after selecting the crop. When the targeted area is stuck, the chosen crop grows within one hour and is ready to be collected. Heavens Harvest Collector Sold Separately. Find more at [email protected].]

The last part of the traits left me with way too many questions that I had no way to get the answer for. UWW? Universe Wide Web? Space internet was a thing?

To think that we would be the only people with a communications system like the internet was pretty silly, but it was still crazy. The last thing that I expected when scanning these things was to see an ad for the place that makes and sells the items.

This was just another reason for us to get working on getting the power back on. I had no idea how this UWW worked, but I was beyond excited to see what kind of information might be floating around out there.

Do aliens have FB or IG? God, I hope not, but maybe aliens are smarter than us all. They are probably still using MySpace and MSN like back in the good old days.

Whatever the internet looked like out in space, it was just one of the countless new mysteries that I couldn't wait to solve!

"Sofia! I found traces of Alien Internet!" I called over, and Sofia gave me a look and then looked at the cannon in my hands.

"You found it in a weapon of mass destruction?" Sofia asked, giving me an unimpressed look.

"This isn't for making things go boom! This thing makes things go bloom! And there is a website address where we can buy more!"

"What is it, Space Wish?" Sofia snorted, and I scowled.

"No, Intergalactic Agronomics dot tom. It popped up in my scan, so it has to be legit," I said, and Sofia shrugged.

"Useless until you find a Space Router. Come over here, and stop playing with the guns. I found some gold, but I can't scan it," Sofia ordered, and I rolled my eyes as I walked over.