First Contact

Chapter 211: Ya'ahd, Bahn Ya'ahd

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd's hooves rang on the brushed steel floor of the hallway inside of his volcano lair. He was rubbing his hands together and chuckling to himself over the memory of that dabbler Yu'umo'o diving into the water before Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd's personal Ninjas had shot him in the butt with arrows. Insult to the injury for his hated arch-rival.

He had toured the volcano lair and had been impressed by it. Munitions and vehicle manufacturing, uniform and weaponry creation, massive server farms for his personal DS and eVI Liaison to have plenty of room to relax, orbital surveillance from the satellites taken over by his DS henchman Otto, everything a Superspy such as Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd required.

The doors whooshed open, flanked by impressive looking gray skin bipedal soldiers wearing leather pants that exposed their buttocks, shoulder pads that looked as if they were made from tires like were on Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd's SUX 9000, and crossed studded leather belts across their muscular chests. The two Rigellian females were holding deadly looking projectile weapons with mag-acel rings on the end that glowed with a soft red light.

"Lady minions," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, nodding to the two Rigellians, who properly ignored his existence as they stared down the hallway that Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd had just come down.

Beyond the door was a massive open area full of vehicles. The sight made Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stop and stare, rubbing his hands together in glee.

Ground vehicles, hover vehicles, attack hovercraft, water vehicles held up by cables, tanks, APC's, and more were all parked orderly and neatly. His personal colors of crimson and silver adorned all the vehicles along with the hoofprint to signify Lanaktallan might pressing the hoof onto the face of the lesser species forever. The vehicles all had weapons on them, with ammunition loaded because, after all, what good were combat vehicles without weapons and what use were weapons without ammunition.

"Isn't it beautiful, Major?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said.

"Yes, sir," Major Bloodfist said. All the vehicles looked old to his eyes, designs outdated by a thousand years or more. Hell, there was even a Combine-Era APC over by the wall.

"Heinrich," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd called out.

"Jawohl!" Heinrich called out, materializing next to Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd, clicking his heels and giving a short stiff bow from the waist.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd took a moment to admire the snazzy official looking outfit that the eVILiaison was wearing. It looked very intimidating and the scar down the side of Heinrich's face as well as the eyepatch gave him a sinister appearance that Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd approved of.

"Ensure a snack properly selected with sensitivity and consideration appropriate to my Ninja's social standing, cultural and social mores, that shows my appreciation of their skill is left near the closet in my personal quarters," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, still rubbing his hands together. He chuckled again at the memory of Yu'umo'o treading water with two big wooden arrows sticking from his rear flank. "Also ensure that we have plenty of Ninja Snacks."

"Of course, mien Herr," Heinrich said. He clicked his heels again. "I will see to it immediately."

The eVILiaison vanished.

"THEY SHOT HIM IN HIS ASS!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd crowed out, slapping his hands against his hips. He threw back his head and gave a long laugh. "IN. HIS. ASS! WITH ARROWS!"

Major Bloodfist kept a straight face.

After a minute Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd waved at Major Bloodfist to follow him. "Hire or kidnap and engineer skilled in working with modern materials. If we must kidnap him, kidnap his entire family and any pets he has. I would not want him to be lonely or feel that I do not care about his emotional and psychological needs."

Major Bloodfist said nothing, just nodded slightly.

"I wish to examine these plans I have stolen from the Confederacy, manufacture a few prototypes so I can examine them," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd mused as he wandered through the vehicles, heading for the elevator at the far side of the room. On either side of the elevator, held back by force fields and armaglass, red hot lava slowly oozed upwards where it would slowly flow from the volcano and down the north face until it reached the cold water of the ocean.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd loved the thick steam that rose up from that location.

"Very good, sir," Major Bloodfist said, sending a memo to his superiors.

The tour continued. A weather dominater that was still under construction, the same with the earthquake beam and several of the reactors. Every time Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd examined them, nodding along with what the workers there had to say, and trembling with joy.

His trembling stopped at 'Micro-Warfare Division" and he stared at the head of research, development, deployment, and weaponization.

"Nanites?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said.

"Yes, sir," the worker said.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd turned and looked at the sterile lab beyond the crysteel protective walls. The workers were all in clean-suits, hooked up to hoses for atmosphere, and working with slow, careful deliberation.

"Do all of you have skills aside from nanite research and development?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked. One of the Terran workers was examining a technical schematic of a nanite that would be only slightly larger than an iron atom.

The sight of it made Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd's blood run cold.

"Uh, I believe so," the worker said.

"Reassign all who have relevant skills. Those who do not, or do not wish to be reassigned, give a generous separation package to," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He turned to Major Bloodfist. "I wish to bring the Confederacy to its knees, make its peoples kneel before the might of the Lanaktallan people."

"Of course, sir, but," Major Bloodfist said.

"Nanites are too dangerous for that. Software or firmware corruption in the nanites or the controller could result in a grey glue or endless hooveshoe equation. I find nanite warfare to be deplorable and disgusting," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He blinked several times. "The same goes for any genetic or genomic warfare. Reassign or generous severance packages. I will not countenance to those weapons being devised or utilized by any who work for me. That will be grounds for immediate termination and, after this one warning, any who do so will be turned over to the Terran authorities."

Major Bloodfist lifted an eyebrow even as he nodded in agreement.

"Heinrich!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd snapped out.

"Jawohl!" Heinrich materialized and clicked his eVILiaison heels.

"Destroy all records of nanite, bioweapon, and genetic/genomic weaponry. Have this reclaimed and repurposed. Perhaps a meme warfare center here and a cultural combative research center in other places," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd ordered.

"Jawohl, mien Herr," Heinrich said, clicked his heels, and vanished.

"Otto!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd called out.

The DS appeared, a harsh featured Terran sitting behind a desk with several computer displays on the desk. "You wished to see me, Comrade Ya'ahrd?"

"Assist Heinrich in destroying all data regarding genomic, nanite, or genetic weaponry. Keep only counter-measure data under heavy encryption with at least two unique from one another passwords of at least seven characters each locking it down. Extreme security, I know, but I deplore such methods," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stated, turning away and clopping toward the elevator.

"As you wish, Comrade," the DS said, managing not to let the surprise show in his face.

"That will be all, Otto," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said as the elevator opened.

"As you wish, Comrade," the DS repeated and vanished back into the computer system to not only carry out Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd's wishes but to inform his superiors of the unusual turn of events.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd insisted on touring the barracks, dining, and recreation facilities for the workers and security. On the tour of the maintenance and labor crew barracks he stopped, turning to Major Bloodfist.

"This is unacceptable," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said.

"Sir?" Major Bloodfist looked around. Standard two man rooms.

"There is no privacy here. No way to look at the sky. From the psychological reports I read, humans suffer psychological damage with extended interior existence without easy access to fresh air and open spaces," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stated. He clicked his tongue twice. "Shift the workers from the earthquake beam construction to constructing small apartment buildings on the south side of the island. These are people, not animals. Neo-sapients your kind may be, but that does not excuse treating them like animals."

Again Major Bloodfist raised an eyebrow. "Should we charge them for it?"

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd shook his head. "No. I will destabilize worker/employer relations in the Confederacy by paying my workers above standard wages and providing them with above standard benefits. Ensure they are highly paid for their caste and skill set and allow them to take one day a week to enjoy mainland entertainments so that they can spread the word of my generosity."

Major Bloodfist didn't stare at Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd, to his credit.

"I disagree with the slavish despotism of unrelenting resource conservation and debt acceleration population control management systems," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. "It is counter-productive and produces nothing but a system in which beings are easily swayed to an opponent's point of view."

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd turned and trotted toward the elevator.

"My beliefs are unpopular, but I am high enough ranking with enough allies that my voice cannot be silenced, not even by my grasping and hoarding rival Yu'umo'o," he patted the shotgun on the flank carrier. "A few have attempted to silence me, but I will not be silenced."

Major Bloodfist pinged his superior and sent him video of the last several conversations.

As the elevator went down Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd turned to look at Major Bloodfist. "Do you know the only coin that cannot be truly bought?"

Major Bloodfist knew the answer, but shook his head in negation.

"Loyalty, Major, loyalty. It can only be bought by respect of that loyalty. Reward does not buy it, goods and services do not buy it. It can only be earned, never bought, but easily lost," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He stood quietly for a long time. "At times, Major, my work disturbs me."

"How so, sir?" Major Bloodfist asked.

"An aside, if you will, Major," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd state, turning to stare at the slowly flowing bright red lava that lit up the elevator. "If you will so indulge me," he turned to the two Rigellian bodyguards. "I have a tendency to pontificate and reminisce."

"Of course, sir," Major Bloodfist said, recording everything from the way Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stood, to his voice timbre, to the way he was unconsciously shifting the coloration and pattern of his hair.

"On an early mission I was to investigate a Most High suspected of treason to the Unified Corporate Council. The Most High was overseeing an extraction, refinement, and manufacturing system at the edge of the Great Gulf," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said slowly. "I infiltrated his staff, gaining his confidence over a period of two of your years."

Major Bloodfist noticed that Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd had drawn his grenade launcher and was slowly running his fingers of his upper two hands along the weapon's surface.

"He had discovered something. Something that shook me to my very core and made me question everything I had ever thought was real," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said slowly.

There was silence in the elevator. Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd had not noticed it had slowed to a crawl at Otto's orders in order to lengthen the trip.

"He had, in his possession, an ancient holographic recording. He showed it to me, one night, when we were firmly in our drink and deep in debauchery," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, his voice far away. "The language was incomprehensible, lost to the mists of time. It was the images, though, that made me stare.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd put one hand against the crysteel wall of the elevator, as if he was trying to press his hand into the lava.

"A Lanaktallan, larger than any I had ever seen, was standing next to a huge Mantid, and with them was another creature. Tall, broad, greyish black skin, bipedal with two arms, completely black eyes, long fingers on each of its two hands, a mouth full of sharp pointed teeth with tendrils slightly obscuring the mouth, breathing gills on the neck," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said softly.

"They were speaking, of what, nobody will ever know," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He rubbed his hand on the elevator wall. "He had discovered it in the wreckage of ancient ruins built into an asteroid. He had determined that it had been attacked and left."

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd turned around. "He also had, in his possession three of the bodies of that strange race. Dessicated from exposure to vacuum for so long," he put the grenade launcher away. "There was not two Precursor species, but three, everything I had ever been taught was wrong."

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd straightened up. "I made my report. My orders were terrible. I was to eliminate the Most High, his family, his researchers, destroy the lab he was using to examine relics older that the Unified Species Council, then destroy the asteroid."

There was silence for a long time.

"I have always wondered: how different would the universe be if I had disobeyed those orders, a hundred years ago?" he mused.

The elevator doors pinged open and Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd trotted out into the situation room.

"Since then I have been entrusted with only the most difficult assignments, often facing armed and warned opponents," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stated as he looked around at the monitors. The Solarian Stock Market, the Confederate Stock Market, Gestalt Opinions (Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd nodded at the fact that 93% of the Confederacy approved of the war against the UCS according to the Gestalt report), A rotating map of Terra with his suborned satellites views highlighted, and no less than four monitors devoted to surveillance of Yu'umo'o's island.

"Each of them, I have avoided betrayal when I could as I eliminated threats. Not only threats to the Lanaktallan people, but our neo-sapient acquaintances and Near-Civilized allies. I spent two months hunting a Telkan serial killer who preyed on young, not only summarily executing him, but tracking the Lanaktallan who enabled him and covered his crimes and summarily executing that being also. I am the guardian of civilization for all beings," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. "I was expecting to be assigned to the hunt for the Night Terran, but instead, I was assigned to infiltrate Terra itself."

"A most difficult assignment," Major Bloodfist said slowly. He had pinged Otto to ease up on the truth harmonics. He could only take so much admissions at once.

A large quadrupedal robot was approaching, flanked on either side by Rigellian bodyguards who's muscles gleamed in the light.

"What is that, Major?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked, trembling slightly in excitement.

"That is a warboi," Major Bloodfist said. "Chrome Cortez acquired him from a military black market contact."

"What does it do?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked, staring at the large quadruped in fascination. It had a synthetic tongue lolling out of its mouth, which was full of conical teeth. It was obviously some kind of predator, but the way the whip-like tail was moving back and forth behind it there was less a sense of menace and more a sense of glee.

"Provides companionship, acts as a guard, and can fight next to you," Major Bloodfist said. "It's name is Beau."

"Beau is goodboi," the robot said in an excited voice.

"Yes, yes you are," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, trotting forward then leaning down to touch it. "Is it a robot?"

"No, sir, it's a cybernetic organism. A canine brain controlling the robotic chassis," Major Bloodfist said.

"It's amazing. What does one that isn't a cyborg look like?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked.

The robotic chassis blurred and was suddenly covered with lush thick hair. The robotic eyes now looked biological, the tongue was red, and the teeth were white instead of black warsteel. The tail was fluffy and whipped side to side with excitement.

"He's amazing!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, reaching out and touching it again. "It actually feels like hair!"

"Hard light projection when in goodboi mode," Major Bloodfist said.

"Who's all fuzzy? Who's all fuzzy?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked, rubbing the creature.

"Beau is fuzzy!" the creature answered excitedly.

"Yes! Yes you are! You're so fuzzy!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd cried out, rubbing all four hands in the hard light 'fur' and giggling. "I love him. Will he follow me around? Does he need anything special? What does he eat?"

Major Bloodfist was slightly surprised that the Lanaktallan had taken so quickly to the goodboi. He explained that it would follow Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd around, that he just needed walked and talked to, and that he could eat but it wasn't necessary.

"Inform the Ninjas that Beau is to be allowed in my room," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, straightening up. "He's amazing."

"If you'll come this way, I'll show you your master control station," Major Bloodfist said.

"Excellent, Major," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. "You are correct, I should attend to work at hand. Heinrich!"

The eVILiaison popped into existance with the click of digital heels.

"Ensure my schedule has at least two times a day to spend at least twenty minutes playing get the ball with Beau," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd stated. "It is important that he receive attention and exercise as well as stimulation."

"Of course, mien Herr," Heinrich said, not letting his surprise show. He clicked his heels and vanished.

The work station was impressive. A desk made of polished wood, with a computer display that took up almost half of the desk, a holographic keyboard with a context sensitive touch interface. The chair was impressive too, with strange winged creatures engraved in the metal frame, the cushions crimson with silver fringe, and a strange robot laying on the desk on a cushion.

"What is that?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said excitedly.

"A feline," Major Bloodfist said. "All the good Superspies have one."

"What does it do?" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd asked, sitting down and adjusting his position in the chair. The back swung over his flanks and pressed against his back, letting him lean back slightly. It was strange, but most comfortable.

"Allows you to pet it, view it, feed it, praise it, and sometimes will purr for you," Major Bloodfist said. "Touch it, it will wake up and change appearance."

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd reached out and tapped the feline. Immediately it went from robotic looking to a savage looking feline creature, completely devoid of hair except for whiskers on the front of its muzzle. It was pink and brownish, with big eyes, long fangs, and sharp teeth. It had sharp claws on its four feet and a long hairless tail.

"Stroke it," Major Bloodfist suggested.

Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd ran his fingers down its warm skin and was surprised when it made a rumbling noise. He clapped his lower hands together even as he kept stroking the hairless feline.

"It's amazing! I can see why the other spies have them!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd exclaimed.

"This one is a rare hairless feline. Only the most powerful and clever secret agents have one of these. It makes you look menacing to have a goodboi on one side and a hairless purrboi on the other," Major Bloodfist explained.

"Excellent. Most excellent," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He looked at Major Bloodfist. "Has my arch-rival been in the news at all?"

"Yes, sir, the news is reporting he was attacked by an attack craft launched by the Mantid separatists," Major Bloodfist answered.

"Even better!" Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said. He stared at the screen. "Does his island accept deliveries?"

"Yes, sir," Major Bloodfist said, tensing slightly in anticipation of whatever madness his employer would come up with.

"Send him a box of generic band-aids and a jar of Butthurt Cream, the real cheap kind that gave children rashes. What was it called? Oh! Diaper rash. Send him some infant butt hurt cream that causes diaper rash," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, rubbing his hands together. "Use cutout corporations so he can't trace where it is from."

"Of course, sir," Major Bloodfist said, keeping a straight face.

"Call in Chrome Cortez, Otto, make a martini, shaken, not stirred, and fix yourself whatever drink you prefer, Major," Ba'ahrn Ya'ahrd said, lifting up the purrboi, which somehow felt as if it had no internal structure. He put the purrboi on his lap, still petting it. "Let us begin to formulate schemes to ensure that Yu'umo'o rues the day he even heard of Terra."

To his credit, Major Bloodfist kept a straight face.

"He will rue it. Oh yes, he will definitely rue it."

----------------

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

I CAN'T STAND THE TENSION!

>eagerly devours more popcorn

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

Wait, did anyone else catch the part about the Precursors?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Who cares? I can't wait to see what happens next!

THIS IS SO EXCITING!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

But... Precursors!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Nobody cares about an empty ice cream carton, sis.

Let it go....

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TELKAN FORGE WORLDS

THAT'S what happened to that guy?

Like fifty years ago he terrorized people to the point that broodcarriers wouldn't allow podlings or littles to even leave apartments, then one day he just vanished.

People still worry that he's out there somewhere.

And now I find out that this guy just shot him and dumped his body in a ditch?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

But... PRECURSORS!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TNVARU GESTALT

Anyone else notice that they were trying to kill him?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

CYBERNETIC ORGANISM COLLECTIVE

Wow, he's got a serious hate-boner for nanites.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

CLONE WORLDS HEGEMONY

This guy's a weird one.

He doesn't fit the metrics.

I hate anomalies.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

Duh. Is anyone here surprised that the clone hegemony dislikes anomalies?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT THE PRECURSOR STUFF?

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

NO! Down in front, sis!

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

RIGELLIAN COMPACT

I'm probably going to be the sole person who says this: This guy isn't as incompetent as he looks. By our standards he's a nutcase with a grenade launcher, but I've got a feeling we're only seeing what he's carefully shown us.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

TREANA'AD HIVE WORLDS

I know.

IT'S SO EXCITING!

>crams more popcorn into his mouth.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---

MANTID FREE WORLDS

But... precursors.

---NOTHING FOLLOWS---