Chapter 168 - I'll Try My Best
[This chapter is dedicated to xoxochelle for being one of the generous giver of gifts to my book last month of June. Thank you so much for the support and for the generosity~!]
***
After sharing a kiss with each other, both of them decided to talk in the living room. With them sitting on the couch, Shu Xian had her lips in a tight line, Pan An sitting beside her, silent as well.
As both of them had not even said a single word, Pan An was the first one to break the silence, getting Shu Xian's attention.
"We should talk about this," he started, making Shu Xian face him.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice soft as she was shy talking to the professor.
"Why are we acting like this?" he started, now looking at her. "It's clear that both of us like what we were doing," he added, Shu Xian, nodding slowly as she didn't want to lie about that.
"Y-yeah," she stammered, unsure of what to say. "I don't know why, but I allow myself to allow you."
With both of them looking at each other straight in the eyes, Pan An let out a small sigh, further talking to Shu Xian.
"I really do hope that you aren't thinking that I'm using you to… you know… forget the woman who broke my heart," he said, making Shu Xian arch a brow at him and asked him a question instead.
"So what do you think is the reason why you also liked it?" Shu Xian asked, Pan An unable to answer her directly.
His heart started beating fast in his chest. He immediately had an answer in thought but he didn't know how to say it to Shu Xian without scaring her.
However, with her waiting expectantly for him to answer, Pan An just said another question as a reply instead, further surprising Shu Xian with what she heard.
"What if I told you that I'm slowly starting to get attracted to you… what would you do?"
Shu Xian widened her eyes in surprise. With her lips slightly parted as she was about to speak, it's as if her words stuck in her throat, unable to reply.
'What if I told you that I'm slowly starting to get attracted to you… what would you do?'
The words of Pan An kept repeating in her thoughts. With her still looking at him directly in his eyes, the professor just sighed, shaking his head as he was embarrassed to tell her what he felt because it was like a confession already.
"Never mind, Shu Xian," the professor said, going silent for a while. "It's okay if you don't want to answer."
However, as he was about to stand, Shu Xian caught him by the wrist, stopping him. With the professor looking down to stare straight into her eyes, Shu Xian then answered his question, surprising him instead as he didn't expect what she would say.
"What if I told you that I think I like you, too… would it be too fast and too much?"
Shu Xian then stood up from the couch. With them before each other, it's as if time stopped for the both of them, Shu Xian further telling him what she meant.
"I have never tried liking someone… but from what I heard, this is what having a crush is like—not able to take them off your mind and being attracted to them. I don't know if this is only for a short while because we're always together and with the agreement that we had, but still…"
Even though Shu Xian didn't finish her sentence, Pan An understood what she meant. With him clearing his throat as he isn't unsure of what to say, he just gave her a small smile, answering her in the best way he thought is good.
"So, the feeling's mutual," he started, taking a few steps closer towards her, a smile appearing on his face. "How quick it is that we both feel the same way when we just recently met and don't know each other yet," he added, making Shu Xian scoff as she let out a small laugh.
"Yeah," she agreed, playfully rolling her eyes at him. "Even though we're talking about this, still, I feel like there's something missing," Shu Xian added, Pan An, nodding in agreement.
"I think the same. It's too sudden, isn't it? What if we're only driven by our desires? Shouldn't we take time to assess our feelings?"
"True," Shu Xian agreed, smiling at him at the same time. "We should."
With that, the grandfather's clock found in the living room started to sound. As both of them looked at the time, they noticed that it was already 12 AM of Thursday, making Pan An widen his eyes as he now returned his gaze to Shu Xian.
"Shu Xian," he started, grinning ear to ear. "It's your birthday," he added, making her blink her eyes a few times.
"Oh!"
Shu Xian couldn't help but laugh, appreciating that Pan An remembered her birthday.
"It is, isn't it? I never think birthdays as something important so…" Shu Xian shrugged, further stating her point. "I just nonchalantly acknowledge it, not to the point of being excited about it."
Feeling sad with what she said, Pan An sighed. With him now going to the kitchen suddenly, Shu Xian arched a brow at him, watching him with what he's doing.
"What are you getting?"
Pan An didn't answer. With him getting a cupcake from the cupboard, he opened it and set it on a small platter. With him opening a kitchen drawer, he got a used blue candle, putting it on the cupcake. He then got a match in the same drawer, lighting it up.
Seeing him prepare this made Shu Xian blush and smile at him. As the professor now approached her, he extended his arm towards her, saying something that made her heart race once more.
"This may not be much… but let's greet your birthday together, okay? Happy 20th birthday, Shu Xian."
With that, Shu Xian felt warm in her heart. As she playfully rolled her eyes at the professor, she then blew the candle on the cupcake.
"Thank you," Shu Xian thanked him, the professor still having a grin on his face. "I've never greeted my birthday with anyone before," she added, the professor now patting her head to cheer her up.
"Then you don't have to worry," he said, remembering what she told him before. "If you don't celebrate and don't greet your day because of your uncle, I'll try my best to at least wait for your day with you."